I've been writing three limericks a day, and I plan to keep this up until Scooter is born. Below are the ones I have so far. Some are better than others. Getting the meter right with limericks is the tricky part:
There was a young woman named Sonia
Who feasted on Cake and Lasagna
Her belly got big
As she supped like a pig
But she was pregnant, so folks said “Good on ya!”
There was a young lady from Kent
Who enjoyed rough sex with her gent
But then she got prego
He fertilized her eggo
And sex became gentle, less bent.
Significantly pregnant Ms. Mabel
Was in labor but mentally stable
"An enema!" and a curse
she spat at the nurse
She hated to poop on the birthing table.
Sonia lives someplace quite rural
And likely will get an epidural
People say pain is right
When you labor all night
But Sonia doesn’t give a flying squirrel.
There was a young wife from Ipswitch
Whose labor was a terrible bitch
Pain she couldn’t bare
She felt her parts tear
Still she asked for the “husband stitch!”
There was a little fetus named Scooter
Whose in utero pic couldn’t be cuter
In Vegas conceived
His parents perceived
His daddy must be a straight shooter!
There was a girl from Leicester
Well into her third trimester
She cleaned with great feeling
Even scrubbed down the ceiling
Not a bird, but still quite a nester.
Pregnancy seems like forever
30 pounds of sheer endeavor
No brie and no drinks
That part really stinks
But I suck it up and say, yeah, whatever…
Squeezing out my baby's head
Fills me with a sense of dread
Will I squeeze mainland China
Through the hole in my vagina
or is he Luxembourg instead?